| The years go by so fast.... |
[07 Aug 2005|11:11pm] |
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 complacent |
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There are crickets chirping in the background |
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So, I haven't updated in about 8 months. No reason for it, really. I'm sure no one has really missed me and my riviting entries. I haven't had much to write about...and when I have, I really didn't want the whole world to see how I was feeling...cos sometimes things are better left to yourself.
I'm doing well though, I graduated college, finally!!!! I can't believe it, I finished the student teaching deal, did a few summer courses and now I'm done...completely, until grad school. Haha. I'm happy though, like everything has come full circle for me. I have a great boyfriend, been with him for almost a year and a half now. He's really there for me...even in my most stressful times last semsester...and that whole year for that matter, he stuck by me and helped me through it and helped me see that some things weren't the end of the world and I was going to be ok. I'm so greatful for him. I told him that if he was able to handle me last year, he'll be just fine. hehe.
So for right now, all I do is ABA therapy for work. When school starts up I'll probably just sub a whole bunch and get my name out there. The ABA therapy is a real good start for me. I work one on one with an autistic child and work on various programs with him using applied behavioral analysis (behavior modification). He's such a cutie pie, and really tests my patients...but his gains are worth every frustrating session and it shows me why I want to be a teacher, and has pointed me in the direction of going back for my masters in special education. I actually enjoy going to work, its really rewarding for me.
Things are just going really well for me lately, I'm just waiting for them to crash...cos isn't there always a crash? If its too good to be true, it probably is? I dunno, I actually haven't thought that way all too much, but it occasionally crosses my mind. But you know what, I'm not going to think about that. Lately I have been a firm believer that we control our own destiny. Sure, shit happens when you don't expect it, but there are certain things we can control, and those things can lend a hand to creating our destiny. Thats just how I have felt lately. Well, there is a bug flying around my head and its really irritating...so I am going to end this post. I hoep it was exciting for all to read. Perhaps I'll do it again sometime....time will only tell.
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(put your heart on the floor)
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| It's too late baby, now its too late....though you really did try to make it |
[21 Dec 2004|01:38pm] |
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I want you to want me- Letters to Cleo |
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Well, school for the semester is over!!!! I can't believe how excited I am. Better yet, christmas is almost here! I'm very excited about that as well. I finished all of my christmas shopping and wrapping. I can't wait to give Joshua's presents to him. I feel that he will love them all, well, most of them...hopefully anyway. Haha, nah, he will love them all, almost as much as he loves me, hehe. Then New Year's eve we are getting a hotel, that should be exciting as well. It will be the best way ever to start the New Year. What is even better is that our Fantasy Football team made it to the superbowl. I see us winning it all with no problem what so ever....cos we kick ass and make an awesome team!! Man, its thanks to him that I even made it through this semester in one piece. Hopefully I passed the test and I will be student teaching next semester, however, I'm at the point where I just rather have an easy semester ahead of me considering this last one was out of control.
I think, no, I know that I am quiting the picture people after the holidays. I have myself lined up a job as an ABA therapist, and that will pay me about $18 an hour, so I won't have to work as much while I'm doing my student teaching, and maybe I will even make enough to move out. I'm pretty excited about that as well. Everything in my life is finally starting to come together. I'm just waiting for the day when it all falls apart. January 6th and 7th I am going to be subbing for 3rd, 4th or 5th grade. I'm pretty excited about that cos I will be able to practice my classroom management skills. I also need to start working out again. I eat so much crap, I just feel myself balooning up. But then there are some days that I don't really give a crap about what I look like cos I will never look perfect, so whats the point anyway? Hopefully I will get over what ever issue I have before I drive myself and Joshua crazy. It's just pointless and I don't know why I do it, but there are some days where I just feel completely unattractive and undesirable. But whatever, I'm sure every girl feels like that on somedays. I'm in a desperate need for a pretty day. Alright, I'm done being annoying now. Keep it real.
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(2 hearts been stepped on | put your heart on the floor)
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| Things that make you go hmmmm.... |
[06 Oct 2004|02:36pm] |
Alright, so its been like 3 months since I updated last? Well, close to about 3 months. I gotta say, a shit load has gone on since July. I've started my senior year in college....I can't believe how fast its gone by. I probably won't graduate this year, but whatev, I'll get over it. I've started my education block and it is just soooo much work, I can't get over it. On tuesday and thursday mornings for the rest of this semester will be dedicated to going to either the preschool or 1st/2nd grade classrooms. The next day off I probably have is December 24th. And when I mean day off, I don't just mean work or school...I mean both of them combined, I don't have days off anymore. There is always something that needs to be done. I have about enough time to sleep, and thats about it. I'm lucky that I get to see Joshua as much as I do, which by the way is still going wonderfully! I'm doing ok though, infact, I thought that I would take this 20mins to write a little entry to get my mind off of everything that needs to get done, though I'll prolly end up writing about it. I just signed up for the Early Childhood licensure test which is Nov. 20th. I definately asked for that day off, seeing that the test is in the afternoon, which is pretty good cos I will be able to get a good night sleep and a decent meal before hand. When I took the literacy test it was at 8 in the morning in Braintree, so I had to wake up at like 6 to a get there 30mins before the test like they ask you to. So I was super tired and really hungry...cos its about 4 hours...I got out about 11. I'm hoping that a pass it the first time around, not just cos I want to student teach next semester, but because it cost me $120...which I feel is just way too much! Oh well, these things happen. So school is incredibly stressful this semester...but I'm becoming much more organized because of it, so I feel that is pretty good.
Now about the personal life. I'm still with Joshua. It's been over 6mons now. I'm extremely happy and that is always a plus! However, good things come at a cost. Someone that I considered my best friend has had a problem with it all...all of it. Hes friends with Josh as well, and I thought this was going to be a fabulous thing...but things are sucking pretty hardcore. I am just at the point of not really caring anymore, as awful as that sounds. I'm just sick of all the drama. Hopefully things will work themselves out. ok, thats it...bye byes.
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(put your heart on the floor)
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| I'm such a dork...and kinda bored |
[19 Jul 2004|01:51pm] |
last cigarette: Well, I don't smoke...but at Mary's 21st b-day, i think it was january 27th or something, I had a cigarette cos I was super drunk and wanted to smoke something, and that was the last time...ever!
last kiss: last night, around 11 :)
last good cry: I cried thursday cos I was bummed about how sick I was on my damn vacation!
last library book checked out: christ, I have no freaking idea!
last movie seen: I saw spiderman 2 a couple weeks ago
last book read: Jeffrey Dahmer story
last cuss word uttered: Jesus Christ
last beverage drank: coke, mmmm
last food consumed: I had a strawberry
last phone call: Josh called me a couple hours ago
last tv show watched: Days of our lives, haha
last shoes worn: my sandals
last cd played: some mix CD
last item bought: food
last downloaded: hmm, some songs maybe, I dunno
last annoyance: the new Belle on Days of our Lives is annoying me hardcore
last disappointment: the way my friend is behaving
last soda drank: coke
last thing handwritten: I letter to myself
last words spoken: 'see ya later, kid'
last sleep: last night
last im: My cousin, Eric, Imed me last night
last weird encounter: guy with the pink hat, hahaha, bsif!
last ice cream eaten: it was coffee oreo...simply scrumpcious!
last time amused: yesterday, Josh always amuses me!
last time wanting to die: I've never wanted to die
last time in love: currently
last time hugged: Last night around 11
last time scolded: unless you count Josh calling me ridiculous...its been awhile.
last chair sat in: this computer one
last lipstick used: I haven't worn lipstick since senior prom
last shirt worn: this tank top i'm wearing
last time dancing: haha, i danced in our hotel room on saturday
last poster looked at: the trippy one in my room
last show attended: Something Corporate
last webpage visited: weather.com
1 MINUTE AGO: filling out this thing
1 HOUR AGO: playing snood
1 DAY AGO: chiling with Josh
1 WEEK AGO: was on the beach in cancun
1 YEAR AGO: was probably chilling with Mary
current mood: pretty good
current music: tv
current taste: strawberries
current hair: its up in a clip
current smell: vanilla
current thing I should be doing: i'm going to work in an hour
current desktop picture: Hayden Christenson
current refreshment: nada
current worry: that everything that is making me happy will go away
1. What do you most like about your body?: my feets, if I had to choose!
2. And least?: my legs/butt
3. How many fillings do you have?: only 2..I'm so good!
4. Do you think you're good looking?: I don't think I'm hideious
5. Do other people tell you that you're good looking?: yeah, i've been told
first boy kiss: Haha, 14, Sergio
first girl kiss: umm, yeah...not so much
first person to make you feel special: other than my family...probably Dave
first person you had sex with: Dave
first person you fell in love with: Dave
do you regret anything? oh I definately do
if so, name a couple? ok, not dumping psycho a year before I eventually did, saying things I didn't really mean...well, i meant them, but they shouldn't have beens said.
if you could apologize to anyone who would it be and why? I don't really know
if you could stop time for a day where and when would you? a moment when me and Josh are just laying in bed gazing and talking to each other....yeah, forever.
if you could kiss one person right now, besides your significant other who would it be? If I had to choose, it would be Jonny Depp....but I looooooove kissing Josh!
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(put your heart on the floor)
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| And when I think of it my fingers turn to fists |
[19 Jul 2004|12:07pm] |
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Fiona Apple- Limp |
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Again another month goes by and I finally decide to update again. I don't really have much time these days. Reminding myself now and then that I'm going to be a fucking senior this year....and graduation is getting closer and closer. But I still gots another month and a half to worry bout that.
Well, I just got back from vacationing in Cancun. It's very miserably hot there this time a year. I had a pretty decent time tho. Despite the fact that I got sick the last two days and I missed my Joshua oh so terribly. I'm back home now...and feeling better, and I don't have to miss Josh anymore! Yay!!!! Things are going very well between the two of us. There has been some talk about us getting a place together once he pays off his bills and starts saving some serious money. I think it wouldn't be such a bad idea. We already spend so much time together anyway, we are together unless he has to work or I have to work...and during the weekend we sleep at each others house, so it's like we are practically living together....except our families are always around, hehe. So I dunno, we shall see how things go. After all, its only been 4 months, well, officially 4 months tomorrow, but whatever, hehe. I do care for him deeply tho, and I haven't been this happy in well over a year, actually, I don't think I have ever been this happy. I just can't recall I guess!
So thats whats pretty much going on in my life now. My friend Joe is being a piece of shit again....but you know, I'll get over it and hopefully we will able to perserve our friendship. I really miss our good talks. He just pisses me off tho!!! GRRRRR!!!!
Alright, I'm gonna stop this update for now...I'm gonna go and take a shower and all that jazz, hehe. Keep it real, I know you can!
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(put your heart on the floor)
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| Theres a reason why certain people meet... |
[23 Jun 2004|01:51pm] |
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The Used- Blue and yellow |
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Well, I haven't written in this thing in quite some time. I've been quite the busy girl, but I had some down time today so I figured I would update everyone. Well, I've been with Josh for 3 months now. I know its not that long, but it feels like we've been together for much longer than that. Hes living back in Middleboro again which is why I haven't had much time to write in this thing. I spend most of my free time chilling with him. its great, let me tell you! I'm glad hes back tho, I don't know what I would have done if I had to go this whole summer with him living in Nantucket. I feel that I probably would have went crazy. So that is going very well and I am very very happy.
There has been a little bit of drama that has been going on that I'm not particularly fond of. It involves Josh and one of my best friends, Joe. Joe is the reason why I know Josh...he is one of his best friends as well. Apparently, Joe doesn't like the idea that I'm with Josh...he says it has changed our friendship. That is so bogus. I haven't acted any differently since I've been with Josh then I did when I wasn't with him. I mean, he didn't feel that he had to act differently around me when I was dating any other guy for that matter. Why is it so different because it is one of his friends? Josh says its cos now he knows that there is no chance of him getting in my pants or some bullshit like that. I really hate to believe that. I mean, I know that Joe had feelings for me....and to some extent he probably still does, but shit wasn't going to go anywhere anyway...so why am I getting attacked with all of this crap now! I can't say that I wish I never got involved with one of his friends...cos that would be a lie. These past 3 months have been absolutely fabulous. I've never been so emotionally satisfied as well as sexually satisfied in my whole entire life! He's just the greatest...and I wish one of my most favorite ppl in the whole world would except my happiness and try not to make me feel like shit.
Well, this saturday should be a blast. My parents and Lil are going away for one of her tournaments so I'm gonna be having a quesadillia party. Its gonna be such a good time, I'm telling ya. Lots of good food, lots of cool ppl, what else can you ask for, really? In a couple of weeks I'm going to Cancun with Lauren. I'm pretty excited for that as well...just not so excited about the food, hehe.
Well, I feel that was a sufficient update. Maybe I'll be back sooner than later. Keep it real.
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(put your heart on the floor)
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| I think about your face and how I fall in your eyes |
[11 May 2004|09:40am] |
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Golden Girls theme...hehe |
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Well, I haven't really written anything in this for awhile. I gotta say, I've been pretty damn busy. With school coming to a close and finals in full swing, I have been pretty occupied, and stressed too! Today I had a final in my research methods class.....it was at 8 in the morning, and I am so freaking tired! I can't believe that next semester its possible that I could have an 8am class. I'm not sure how I'll be able to do it. Anyway, I think I did reasonably well on the final. I feel that I couldn't have gotten less than a low B, so thats good. Ick, I just have so much stress, man. I can't wait till monday the 17th when its all over...and I just have next year to dred, haha.
But thats not all that I'm looking forward to. My Josh comes home for real in less than 2 weeks! You have no idea how happy this makes me. So, I was totally gonna deal with him staying there for the summer...and I was definately going to make the best of it...but this is so much more wonderful. Now I will be able to see him whenever I want to...no waiting, no dumb goodbyes...its going to be fabulous. I dunno, the past couple months have been just so wonderful. He's all I ever think about. Even when I'm doing an activity or in school or anything....there isn't a moment where he doesn't cross my mind...or even linger for awhile. I could write a whole post on the way he makes me feel...and perhaps I will. First of all, I feel completely comfortable when I'm around him. I don't feel like I have to walk on eggshells when I'm with him...he lets me be myself a 100% and actually likes me for that. That hasn't happened to me before. So naturally, it feels pretty damn good. Second of all, I feel so wonderful being with him. Now, I've always enjoyed sex....but now it feels so much more than just that. Its like a real physical connection that is unlike anything I have experienced before....its so much more passionate and intense. Its amazing really. Third of all, I just really enjoy spending time with him. Maybe now its cos I treasure it more that I don't see him often....but I dunno, either way its fabulous. We don't have to be doing anything at all and I still enjoy every minute of it. So I feel thats good for now. I'm trying really hard not to get all pessimistic about this. Usually when things go well for me I just assume that they are eventually going to turn to shit. I swear I will do anything to prevent this from turning to shit. Ugh, I MISS HIM SOOOOOO MUCH!!! CRIPES!
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(2 hearts been stepped on | put your heart on the floor)
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| I am the girl with the most cake |
[16 Apr 2004|02:51pm] |
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Michelle Branch- It's you |
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Well, I'm at Josh's right now. I'm super bored cos hes at work. I was gonna do some homework...and I did, however, the journal article I brougt to work on wasn't good enough. Yes, thats right...I didn't like it. I have to find articles that have to do with both trauma and resilience. I got the resilience one...I feel that its really good, however, the trauma one, not so much. Ah well, I found another good one on the library website, so I think I am definately going to do that one. It was on revictimization to sexual abuse and what not...yeah, sounded somewhat interesting. Anyway, not like anyone really gives a shit...but this just proves on how bored I am. So lets talk about how stressed I am. I went to meet with my advisor the other day. I'm posta be doing my education block next semester. I am real psyched about this...however, she also decided to tell me that I must take the early childhood content test for licensure. Ok, thats fine...yeah, untill she tells me that its real hard. She didn't just say it once, she said it like 3 times. It was like, 'wow lady. Thanks for that vote of confidence.' Well, my mum says that there are some crappy teachers out there, and if they were able to pass it, I should have no problem at all. I just hate failure and rejection more than anything. I'm sure there aren't many people out there who are like, 'yes, i failed!' but you know what I mean for the most part. It likes makes me sick to my stomach to think that I could possibly fail. I remember last year getting ready to take the literacy portion of the licensure test...I was super scared. And I got my results and I thought I was gonna puke. Thank god I passed. That was like the best feeling ever. *Well, besides the current feelings I have...but I'll get into that later*
So anyway, as I said in the beginning, I'm at Josh's right now. And I will be until monday :) So far it had been absolutely fabulous. And I'm sure that it will be ten times much better once he gets back from work, hehe. It's all good...we'll watch a little red sox vs yankee and totally do it up in all aspects of the phrase. Ahhhhh!!!! Ok, I think that was sufficient for todays post. I'm gonna watch a little family fued and totally just keep it real.
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(1 hearts been stepped on | put your heart on the floor)
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| I'd give it up for just one more day with you, give it up, give it all away |
[04 Apr 2004|10:05am] |
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The Ataris- I won't spend another night alone |
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Ok, so lets start with the crappyness of this weeekend. I didn't do jack shit! Well, actually....it wasn't awful. I don't mind not doing anything...it just kinda sucked cos work was pretty crappy yesterday and Lil had her birthday part...and well, 16 year olds are freaking crazy! I refuse to believe I was like that...however, my parents beg to differ, ah well. Another crappy thing, I do look like crap today. Like complete and utter crap. I can't wear any eye makeup today cos my eye is tweaking out on me. Its kinda swollen and shit and hurts a bit. I swear to fucking god if its another sty someone will have to die. I will gauge my eye out myself. So yeah, that has put me in a somewhat crappy mood. I'm just thinking about the next weekends to come...and its putting a smile on my face. Yay!
I'm listening to "I won't spend another night alone" and its definately the most sweetest song I have ever heard...it reminds me of Josh...hehe. See this is what I love the most about being in a relationship, songs are so much more fun to listen to! Ok, its not what I love the MOST, but its definately up there, man!
Alright, so I've been very good about doing my toning exercises *yeah, I know its only been a week!*, however, I haven't been able to get outside to do my walking/running stuff. I was going to yesterday but I came home so beat, plus it was mighty miserable outside. And yes, I am a big baby when it comes to the cold...but I'm hoping I will be able to get outside tuesday. I must motivate myself...I must. Man, I'm kinda stressed...I'm not gonna lie. I have a bio test tomorrow..and his tests are fucking hard. I gotta study hardcore tonight. Of course, Hidee's b-day thingy is tonight...but that shouldn't take oh so long. Yeah...it'll be fine. And it doesn't matter how well I know my shit cos he always throws curve balls and what not. AHHH!!! Ok, thats not the only thing that is stressing me out. I have a paper due April 16th that I would like to get on...I'm going to be all over it on wednesday. I don't even care...thats totally what I'm doing. The what else....oh yeah, next semester is stressing me out...I'm suppose to do my block deal, and when I was accepted to the school of ed they said I needed to apply for the block next semester....I hope I'm not too late...cos I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. Cripes!!! Random stress...I hate it!!! I want to get it all over with this week. Well, the test will be over this week...but you know what I mean....everything else! Alright...now I gotta go to goddamn work....to have yet another hellish day. Keep it real.
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(2 hearts been stepped on | put your heart on the floor)
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| I am heaven sent....don't you dare forget... |
[30 Mar 2004|10:26am] |
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the used- noise and kisses |
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Well, I haven't written anything in a while...and I felt like writing something so, here i am! I am suppose to be in school right now, but I had a rough night last night and I felt that the best thing for me was to sleep some more...I haven't missed that class yet, so I figured it wasn't too big of a deal that I didn't go. Yeah, so I don't know what was wrong with me last night....I just felt real sick, and had no reason to be. I'm feeling ok this morning, but you know...the whole needing extra sleep thing. So yeah...thats why I'm here at this time. I'm still gonna go to work...even though I would love the excuse not to, but I do need the money...damit!
Things, I believe, are going real well with Josh. My whole family has met him and they definately like him as well as approve. I really like our situation too....well, despite the ridiculous amount of missing him right now, hehe. Well, I guess there are some things that I don't like so much, well, really only one thing...but in good time I will have more than likely gotten over it. Yeah, definately give me a month or so...and I will have gotten over it. Anyway, thats not my main concern anyway....I really really really like him a whole bunch, and I am so unbelievably happy right now....I didn't think it was possible. I've let down all walls that I've been keeping up for some time now....and feeling some things that I haven't felt in so long...or have never had the pleasure of feeling before. This is just awesome! Hehe.
I did some ab workout today....not like its gonna do much if I don't keep up on it, but my stomach does feel like it got smaller. I'm gonna try my hardest to atleast do it 3 times a week. Thats not too much to ask of myself I don't think. Yeah, and I'll go walking about 3 times a week as well...yeah...by June I will be tone and hotter than ever, just in time for bathing suit weather! Then I'll get a real sweet tan so it makes me look even thinner *even tho I know that I'm not fat* (a disclaimer so I don't get ridiculous comments saying, 'your not fat!')...than I'll take real sexy pictures to give to Josh, haha. I'm such a dork...but I love it! Well, I believe that I am in a much better mood now...cos I've worked out...and pondered the possibilities of feeling better about myself...so this is just fabulous.
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(put your heart on the floor)
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| Tell me that I cannot hate...hate, pretty baby, I cannot relate |
[21 Mar 2004|06:43pm] |
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yellowcard- empty apartment |
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Ok, so lets recap on my spring break. It was probably the longest two weeks of my life...and the last few days flew by faster than I wanted...however, all good things must come to an end, in order for more good things to come later. I made up the last part...but I feel that it fits...and I shall explain why. Anyway, to be completely honest, I didn't do much. I did some shopping with the sisters, bought myself a vibrator, visited some friends, and did alot of phone talking. It wasn't until thursday that I really enjoyed my spring break. Yup, thats when it went to Nantucket to see, my boy, *hehe, I can say that now!* Anyway, it was a blast and a half. I hadn't had such a good time in so freaking long...and we have so many things in common its just crazy! It's like those times when you meet someone and you feel like you've known them your whole life. I think the only difference we had was that i'm not a big fan of peperoni on my pizza and he is....but I feel we will be able to work through that issue, hehe. Seriously though, it was absolutely fabulous. I haven't been this happy bout something in a real long time. I feel that I really deserve this though...and I can't wait to see how things develope, cos I feel that it could be absolutely beautiful. I feel like a little school girl again...but its all good. As much as I hate to get my hopes up about things like this....I'm letting down all guards in hopes that it doesn't get thrown back in my face. Awww, man...I've only been away from him for about 2 and a half hours and I already miss him...I'm such a silly girl. It was crazy...as soon as I got in the car to go home 3 songs came on the radio that reminded me of him....1,000 miles- vanessa carlton, here without you-3 doors down, and everywhere- michelle branch *yeah, i think I was listening to a mix station or something...or my dad was* Anywya, I was like....for crying out loud, this is crazy! I can't wait till this upcoming weekend to see him again...cripes! Insanity, I say...insanity! Well, I could write a novel about all the wonderful things that went on...but a)i dont feel like typing much more and b)ya'll dont need to know what went on...hehe! Alright...so I leave you with two thoughts, or statements rather....hungry jack pancakes suck major ass....and I absolutely love my flesh...so yeah!
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(2 hearts been stepped on | put your heart on the floor)
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| Turn away before you go and turn me on.... |
[04 Mar 2004|10:44am] |
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Rollercoaster- Switchblade Symphony |
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Ok, this marks the beginning of my wonderful spring break! Woohoo!!! I wish I could say I was doing something super cool...but alas, I have nothing to do this spring break, such a tragedy. Actually, that is somewhat of a lie...the last weekend of spring break I am going to Nantucket...which should most definately be a blast and a half. I feel bad having to wish all my spring break away just to get to that weekend. It'll be well worth it, I am almost positive it will be. So why am I going there? To see a boy of course! Hehe. There is a tad bit drama involved with it...but you can't help who you fall for, so what can i do really? Go with the flow is what I say. Things happen for a reason, I guess I gotta believe that. He's the boy I talked about a couple entries ago...hes best friends with one of my good friends...and thats how we met each other. It was waaaaaaaaay too easy. Nothing ever comes that easy to me. But last weekend was the greatest I've had an a real long time. It was just so wonderful I can't really describe it to the detail it deserves. The bestest part of it all is that he thinks I'm cool...and you wanna know the reasons!? Oh yeah, cos I like football and baseball...and cool music! *well, he also thought i was hott...but being cool is waay better* No guy has ever liked me for those things before..so you know what that means, he likes those things too! Hehe..never dated a guy whose liked sports as much as me either, this is just fabulous! He also likes cartoons which is just too cute for words...and hes pretty yummy as well! So, we'll just have to see what happens.
Another thing I feel I have to do this spring break is make a trip up to amherst and beat the shit outta people who are giving my bsif shit. Yes, cos that really pisses me off. I really really hate girls when they do stupid crap like this. Like i would like nothing more than to punch each and everyone of them in the face. There is nothing a hate more than when ppl give my sisters shit. Like I abhor it...and I would love to let those ppl know how much I loathe them, but then I think that they just aren't worth the nasty words I could give them. I'm sorry for that little rant...but I get so mad!!! I MISS YOU BSIF!!! I can't wait till she comes home for break and I will get to meet her new boy toy, hehe. So that should make that week go by a little faster..hehe. I'm going kick boxing tonight...hopefully I will be able to go atleast once a week so I can get in some sort of routine...I would like to get in some shape so I can look super hott in a bathing suit this summer. I just wanna tone up really...yeah. Ok, I'm done for now...I'll talk later...and you know I'll be updating about my wonderful weekend!
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(put your heart on the floor)
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| I blame this entry solely on bsif... |
[28 Feb 2004|11:38am] |
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mood |
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music |
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violet-hole |
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I'm sure there's something more productive i could be doing right now, but i decide to do this instead because it looks amusing.
I AM: the bomb.com
I THINK: about the dumbest things sometimes
I KNOW: how to make chocolate chip cookies
I WANT: to be the girl with the most cake
I HAVE: a hott picture of Johnny Depp on my wall
I WISH: i could find a super cool person to like me
I HATE: not having enough time
I MISS: my bsif
I FEAR: being alone for the rest of my life. *wow, that was morbid*
I HEAR: the sound of the washing machine, and they keys while I'm typing this
I SEARCH: for the perfect boy...but when i get bored of that, a wicked cool CD
I WONDER: why I stress so much about nothing
I REGRET: not breaking up w/psycho 6months earlier
I LOVE: rocking out
I ALWAYS: try to look on the bright side
I AM NOT: a typical girl
I DANCE: whenever good music is on
I SING: because i like the song
I DO NOT ALWAYS: follow the rules completely
I FIGHT: with no one really...its not worth it
I WRITE: silly emotions
I WIN: at pictionary w/joe!
I LOSE: never!
I CONFUSE: things people say...constantly
I LISTEN: to everyone
I CAN USUALLY BE FOUND: possibly at school for most of the time
I NEED: to take a shower eventually
I AM HAPPY ABOUT: a buncha stuff...
I SHOULD: realize that im a real awesome person
[DESCRIBE YOUR]
[Jewelry worn daily]: not much, im boring...just the piercing jewelry i can't take out
[Pillow cover(s)]: pinkish
[Shoes]: big ones, im short!
[Favorite top]: hmmmm, good question...its black and babydoll looking...very cute...sheer on the arms and the belly area.
[Favorite bottoms]: my arizona ones...make my butt look smaller
[Cologne/Perfume]: very sexy
[CD in stereo right now]: I think, Janic Joplin
[Piercings]: ears, tragus, belly button, and tounge
[Hair]: brown
[What you are wearing now]: my pagamas
[In my mouth]: teeth and my ring
[In my head]: hopefully a brain...haha
[Wishing]: that I didn't have to go to work tonight
[After this]: gonna take a shower
[Talking to]: to myself
[Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming months]: hmm, warmer weather!
[The last thing you ate?]: some toaster muffin thingy
[Some of your favorite movies]: happy gilmore, the exorcist, mallrats and 7even
[Something that you are deathly afraid of]: snakes
[Do you like incense]: yes
[Do you believe in love]: i believe in a thing called love, just listen to the rythym of my heart....i had to, hehe
[Do you believe in love at first sight]: perhaps?
[Do you believe in forgiveness]: its the only way to be
[If you could have any animal for a pet]: my baby bella
[What are 3 cities you wouldn't mind relocating to?]: cambridge, newport, or bridgewater
[What are some of your favorite pig out foods?]: chicken
[What's something you wish you could understand better?]: boys!
[In the last 24 hours, have you]
1. Cried: nope
2. Bought something: hmm....stuff for my car
3. Gotten sick: damit, i have a cold!
4. Sang: yes
5. Eaten: yes
6. Been kissed: nopers
7. Felt stupid: dude, one has to be stupid to feel stupid..and i'm not stupid!
8. Wanted to tell someone you loved them, but didn't: no
9. Met someone new: i met alot of new ppl last night
10. Moved on: i like to move
11. Talked to an ex: nope nope
12. Missed an ex: not really
13. Talked to someone you have a crush on: perhaps...i dont crush anymore tho...hehehaha
14. Had a serious talk: nopers
15. Missed someone: of course
16. Hugged someone: nope
17. Fought with your parents: my parents are hardcore
18. Dreamed about someone you can't be with: hmmm
[Who]>
01. Have you known the longest: well, my fam...duh!
02. Do you argue the most with: probably chugs...
03. Do you always get along with: joe, i feel
04. Is the trustworthiest: a select few
05. Makes you laugh the most: everybody, i always laugh
06. Has been there through all the hard times: mary, sisters, jan..
07. Has the coolest siblings: haha, im going w/bsif's answers...definately me!
08. Appears to be missing: ?
09. Is the most blunt: me and joe are pretty blunt
10. Is the smartest: Bsif
[Personal]
01. Who is your role model(s): courtney love use to be, minus the whole heroine thing
02. What are some of your pet peeves? hypocrites
03. Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with: well duh
04. Have you ever cried over the opposite sex: unfortunately
05. Do you have a "type" of person you always go after: im sure there is...of course..i have been known to step out of the realm of my 'type'
06. Have you ever lied to your best friend(s): hmm..i try real hard not to lie
07. Ever wanted to get revenge on someone because they hurt you: sometimes...yes
08. dumper or dumped: a little bit of both
09. Rather have a relationship or a "hookup": whatever
10. Want someone you don't have right now: maybe
12. Do you want to get married?: of course
13. Do you want kids: yes indeed
14. Do you believe in psychics: nah
15. Do you believe you know the person whom you will marry at this point in time: no
16. What is your favorite part of your physical appearance: my feet
17. What is your favorite part of your emotional being: my sillyness?
18. Are you happy with you: yes
19. Are you happy with your life: yes
20. If you could change something in your life right now, what would it be: hmmm...i don't know?
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(1 hearts been stepped on | put your heart on the floor)
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| my hands are at your throat and I think I hate you... |
[17 Feb 2004|07:41pm] |
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Tool- stinkfist |
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I just want to let everyone know that I am not sure what the deal is with those pictures...they sometimes load for me and other times they don't....so if you don't see them, well I'm sorry, but it must be because I suck.
Ok, lets talk about my ridiculous weekend! First of all, Friday and pretty much almost all of saturday sucked ridiculously. I don't really feel like getting into it cos I feel thats all I've been talking/thinking about lately. All you basically need to know is that it sucked hardcore. However, saturday when I went to work me and a girl I work with, Sam, had a good laugh about everything...so that lifted my spirits a bit. Then I went home and once again showed a boy the wonderful attributes of Miss Tairiee B, and he too fell in love. I made my friend Joe a valentines day card with pictures of her all over it and this random blond chic...he was very happy. Hehe. All of his friends were super jealous! Well, maybe not...but its a cool card, man...like fo shor! Ok, I'm a weirdo. Anyway, sunday started to be an incredibly unproductive day, you see...I had this long list of things that I was suppose to accomplish, and I gotta say I think only accomplished 3 of the items on that list. But I was really looking forward to the evening when I was gonna hang out with my homeboy, Joe. Yeah, so then he calls at lke 330 and starts to sound like we won't be able to cos his car is all fucked up and what not...but I just won't let this be! So I drove, hehe. It was posta be me, him, his friend, Phinney, and Mary. Well, Mary didn't end up going, so it ended up being me, joe and phinney. It was perhaps one of the better times I've had hanging out with people in a real long time. They are just the bomb.com, let me tell you. Oh yes, and I must also tell you that I am terrible at bowling. Phinney had to play with his left hand cos he fucked up his right hand...and he still somehow managed to beat me! It was quite hilarious if you ask me. I've never laughed so hard. Then when we were done we went back to Phinney's and to be completely blunt, we smoked a blunt, hahahehe. It was funny, at one point I was digging through some mix cd's and popped one in...and I was trying to figure out what mix cd it was so i was flipping through the songs...and phinney was in the back saying, 'hey, thats a good song...that one is too...holy shit you like wicked cool music!' then he turns to Joe and says, 'this girl is the coolest...where have you been hiding her? this is the price i pay for living on an island.' So I guess I am super cool, haha....oh yeah, and have a nice ass....they can't just leave that one alone can they? They also think its the coolest that I will sometimes end a sentence with saying 'guy'. I guess its not too 'girly' to do or what not. But it was one of the nicer compliments I've gotten, 'she is fucking cool as hell' which I feel is an oxy moron...but I think its a good thing none the less. So that was pretty much my weekend...it started to suck hardcore, but the last 5 hours of it were awesome!
Speaking of awesome, me and Joe are planning a weekend to go to Foxwoods and give all of our money to the indians. Cripes! It would be hardcore if I won some though, wouldn't it? Ahhh, to dream. We will probably get wicked smashed too...they just keep feeding ya drinks when your in there...should be interesting, perhaps I could keep my face out of the toilet bowl this time?
This weekend should be a tad bit better. Friday I am going to do a newbury comics run with Jan. Haven't seen that girl in forever and a day...shes hardcore as well, and I feel we have SO much to talk about. We use to go to Newbury comics as a tradition when we felt that we needed to talk and get a new cool cd. Accompanied with newbury comics was the 99...hehe. Then saturday night I'm posta be going out to eat with the grrlies, Hidee, Pam, and Liz...possibly Mary, we aren't sure yet. That leaves us with sunday...I'll prolly have loads of homework to do, but if I manage to get that done perhaps I will watch a football game...I never know what to do on sundays in february...its post-football blues. Okie dokie...I'm outtie, have a wonderful day!
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(1 hearts been stepped on | put your heart on the floor)
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| Tell me what you thought about when you were gone |
[10 Feb 2004|08:17pm] |
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Daisy Chainsaw- I feel insane |
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Ok, so I am totally ripping this off from Bianca's journal...but I just thought it was way too cool that I couldn't resist.
Clash
All American Rejects
Rasputina
Our Lady Peace
Letters to cleo
Yellowcard
New Found Glory
Switchblade symphony
Unwritten Law
Sleater Kinney
Alice in chains
Nine inch nails
Daisy chainsaw
Used
Tool
Runaways
Amos, Tori
See...now wasn't that a whole buncha fun!? Well, it was for me...but goddamn, it was hard to come up with band names that began with U!!! I was real bored...so its a good idea to do this if you are bored!
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(put your heart on the floor)
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| Each day just like next, we struggle on and on... |
[05 Feb 2004|09:17pm] |
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shirt waste fire- Rasputina |
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So, I gave my little journal a face lift...isn't it beautiful!? Ya gotta admit, Tairrie B. is freaking HOTT!!! I definately think so. So anyway, I haven't updated in awhile and I feel like I should. For those of you who don't know, the Patriots won the fucking superbowl!!!! YAY! It was quite the game...I feel like I had atleast 3 anxiety attacks in the process..but its okie, cos they ended up with a win. Tom Brady is so cute...I am going to marry him, hehe. Ok, probably not...but its fun to dream! So I was looking at some other girls journal...and she did this really cool thing where she just listed a bunch of things about herself...so I figured I would do the same until I got bored...so here we go!
- My favorite channel is lifetime
- Besides that, I really like forensic psych related shows
- I'm a fan of psychology, the abnormal spectrum
- If I don't like teaching, I want to do forensic psychology
- Courtney Love is my hero
- I'm not a fan of seafood
- I could eat various forms of pasta any day of the week
- I listen to almost anything except for rap and country
- I hate poseurs
- My fav movie is the Exorcist
- Johnny Depp gets more attractive every year
- I love cats
- I've never been in a bad accident
- I love concerts
- I've been cheated on, but have not cheated
- My sisters mean everything to me
- I'm a virgo
- I love football*patriots* and baseball*red sox*
- I like photography
- The criminal mind interests me
- I wish I looked like Tairrie B.
- I get down on myself alot
- I feel that Britney Spears needs to die
- I was never afraid of the dark
- I was afraid of haunted hay rides/houses
- I dont like burning CD's, I like to have the real thing
- I hate my butt
- I use to like Hanson
- I hate 'fake' people
- I HATE being lied to
- Graduating scares me sometimes
- I dont know what its like to be in love
- I am going to Cancun this summer
- I like to workout
- Morgan Freeman is a great actor
- I appreciate art
- I like to go out to eat
- I love to laugh
- I am a happy go lucky girl, miss live and let live ~ani
Well, I hope you enjoyed it! maybe you learned something new? I doubt it...hehe.
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(1 hearts been stepped on | put your heart on the floor)
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| This is the noise that keeps me awake, my head explodes and my body aches... |
[21 Jan 2004|10:13pm] |
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excited |
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music |
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wicked ways- garbage |
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Well, I have offically been to all my classes for the first time. Overall, not bad...not bad. I will probably abhor my biology class, but I think that is expected. My psych of t
he exceptional child is going to kick ass! Joe was able to squeeze in! Woohoo!!! Anyway, it sounds like its going to be a real neat class and help me alot in my future plans. However, there is a downside to that class. That stupid boy is in it...and he annoys the fuck outta me, cos he thinks hes wicked hott and what not and it drives me insane! Whatever, the class is big enough I won't have to deal with him. Also, my research methods class might not be so awful. Its going to be a challenging class...but I think I will manage okie.! So that brings us to my last class which is trauma and resilience. Yeah, the professor is fairly easy, and the reading seems interesting...so again, I'll prolly do okie in that class as well. Which is always nice to feel real confidend the first couple days of a new semester, cos if you are feeling defeated, then you are just screwed, man!
AHHHH!!! I talked to Stacey Shimokuous today! She called me while I was at work, I was so stoked! I miss that girl like hardcore man. I was already laughing hysterically while only talking to her for a few minutes. I'm so happy she is gonna be able to go to Mary's party...cos she is totally the bomb.com. And quite honestly, its not a party unless me and Stacey are reminising *sp* about old times and laughing like its no ones business. I'm telling ya, its a sight. Her party is gonna be awesome anyway, I'm so excited for it! I get to show off Nic to everyone and they can be all envious of me...hehe. I'm gonna be seeing some ppl I don't hang out with all that much and that kinda excites me. Like Mary told me that Jeff was gonna come...hopefully Matthew too. We had some super cool times during the summer...then after my b-day we hung out no more..this makes a happy Carolyn somewhat turn to a sad Carolyn. We don't want that, now do we? So that'll be cool...I'll be able to see them!
Then next week is superbowl 38!!! Woohoo!!! I'm not sure what party is going to be more out of control...Mary's or the one that my parents are throwing that sunday..hmm....this is a tough one, haha. Alls I'm saying is that the patriots better win!
I'm feeling really hungry right about now. Intersting I say, interesting. I don't feel like eating, however, I never feel like eating at 10 at night even though I know that I probably should. Meh, whatever. Hmmm...I'm starting to run out of things to ramble about...perhaps I will try and get to bed at a decent time so I am not ridiculously tired tomorrow morning for class...hmm, what a wonderful idea!
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(1 hearts been stepped on | put your heart on the floor)
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| What was she for halloween? The ugliest girl you've ever seen. Someday she will die alone... |
[12 Jan 2004|01:42pm] |
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 satisfied |
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Hole- Old Age |
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Today has been a boring day thus far. I do have to work later on...but as of right now, yeah...pretty damn boring. So I decided I would waste some of my boredom by writing. I have millions of things to talk about. So many things have been running through my head lately. Some of them are very insignificant...while others are of an extreme nature. However, I'm not sure what I would like to speak of first.
I was reading something in a magazine and there was a quote by an ex-baseball manager that read, "I don't dwell on the past, there is no future in it". I read it and laughed a little bit...cos for some reason I thought it was funny *don't ask...I'm a weirdo*. Then I thought about it for a little bit. I thought...maybe he is right. What is the point of dwelling in the past...when you have so much to look forward to. It makes sense to a certain degree. However, I then contradict myself by thinking that by dwelling on the past for a little bit, we find how we can change things that we might do in the future. So perhaps, maybe its not such a bad thing to do so. What we have done in the past, or what others have done we learn from by looking upon it. Maybe thats not what he meant...being a manager of a baseball team he probably meant that he doesn't look at a lost game and think its the end of the world...but, I apparently had nothing better to think about and blew it way out of proportion, haha.
Then there are things that Nic has asked me that makes me think a million miles a minute as well. For instance, last night he asked me what goals I had for our relationship. Well, christ...I just haven't really thought about it...so I spent a good portion of the night thinking about this. I think I may have dug up some things...that I wasn't even aware about. One of them is pretty obvious. I see every relationship that I get myself into as a learning experience. In any relationship I get myself into I hope to learn something more about myself and ideally, what I want from a relationship that will last the rest of my life. So, I suppose one of those goals would be being able to learn something new about myself and my needs. I hate being in a relationship that I don't get anything out of. So far...as shitty as some of them had been, it has been a learning experience. That is probably the biggest one. Another one I think is to achieve complete trust in someone again. A big part of who I was left after the whole mess a little over a year ago. I want desperately to get that back...and I hope that he will be able to help me with that. Not that I will regain my naivity again...I probably don't want that back..but I do want to be able to trust someone again and not have to question their actions, either verbally or mentally. That really hurts. I dunno..and so far thats all I've been able to come up with. Everything else is just fluff.
I dunno....I guess all I know is that he is a very special guy and deserves something great...and if I'm not that, well I hope he is able to find her.
Well, I guess thats all I have to say for now. I should probably start getting ready for work...I shall be back!
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(1 hearts been stepped on | put your heart on the floor)
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| When I'm the girl that you want, I will be waiting right here... |
[05 Jan 2004|11:37pm] |
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mood |
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complacent |
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music |
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Tori Amos- Crucify |
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I don't to write ever it seems like, yet I am always in the mood to write something. So here I am, yet again with another pointless entry for the pure boredom of it all. I've decided that I am going to start going kickboxing again...atleast put in a good effort to go. I really really need to get into shape. The crap I eat is bound to catch up with me eventually, I might as well compensate for it by working out. I've done my pilates....its some tough stuff, but I definately need to add some cardio into my exercising efforts.
I've also decided that I dont know how good of an idea it was for John Kerry to say to rolling stones magazines that Bush 'fucked up'. I'm not saying that he didn't fuck up by any means....but not only did he screw himself over by 'cursing' in a magazine *remember that the president of the united states can't be like every other human* this giving opponets campaign something tangible they can work with to discredit him or something. He is also only appealing to a small portion of the population. You have to realize what type of people read rolling stones magazine...and how many of those ppl actually give a fuck enough to vote. And unfortunately, by saying that probably gave those that will vote ambition to vote for him....but not because of his views or anything. Well, then I guess you can look at it as Clinton appearing on MTV...again, how many ppl actually watch mtv...and how many of those are above the age of 18? And maybe thats not what helped him in the election..but I'm sure it helped a tad. Hey...you know, they are democrats...they aren't going to win by being excellent speakers....they gotta be a little creative. I find democrats to be extremely wimpy, however, i enjoy their views much much more than I could ever agree with a Republicans. Ok, I didn't mean to go off here...but those who are still reading...you must really give a shit about me, haha!
I've also been thinking about what exactly makes good sex? There are many theories that are involved...such as the orgasm, or how long it takes, or how involved the foreplay is, or the meaning that is put forth behind it. I think sex can be good even if its a one night stand *i've never had one* My theory doesn't really have to do with the sex act itself. I don't think good sex is truly good unless you have that moment after. Do you know that momement? The one when you both lay down next to each other and just gaze into each other's eyes...and neither one of you need to say a word for another 20mins cos you can read everything that is being said in their eyes. Without that moment, I think sex loses its meaning...sure, it can still be decent and all, but it definately loses the special meaning that it should have. Of course, I am an emotional based girl saying this....but you know. It reminds me of a paper I did on Romantic jealousy. Even though this is common sense, it was nice to see it written in paper: women will be jealous when they think that their lover might fall in love with another...and men will be jealous more often when their lover is sleeping with someone else. I have definately seen this done...I remember one of my ex-boyfriends being upset with the guys I have been with before him...and I remember being upset cos he had loved someone before me. Crazy how us humans think...crazy crazy!
Wow, I gotta go to sleep...before i start going off on other things!
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(1 hearts been stepped on | put your heart on the floor)
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amethystskies's journal
